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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Journey into Unschooling - Part 3

So now the fun part, when you decide you are going to pursue unschooling, but you are feeling anxiety about explaining this to your family. These days, it is easy for both Sarah and I to explain to others what it is and why it makes total sense for us, but when we first decided to try it, not the case. I remember having dinner with my parents and explaining that we would be homeschooling (which was hard enough to get behind when you could feel the tension about the idea). We didn't even really want to get into the dynamic that we had heard about called "unschooling" at this point in time.

These types of conversations went on for quite some time with different family members and friends and slowly the unschooling piece crept out. There was always many of the same questions:

-How will your kids get socialization?
-How will they go to college?
-How are you going to teach them about complex subjects such as Trigonometry, etc.?

**And not to sidestep any of these questions, but it's not the intention of this post to answer those.  If anyone would like my thoughts on answers to any of these questions, or any other questions you might have, I'd be glad to address them.



The more we answered these questions, the more our confidence grew in addressing such fears and concerns about what we were doing. Initially, there was definitely a lot of reevaluating going on in our lives as we continued to reassure ourselves that none of these were things to worry about. As time went on, many family members and friends came to the conclusion that we seemed to know what was best for us and our kids and that if it worked for us, then they would support us in our decision. Unfortunately, there are others who take what we do as an affront to their decision to send their kids to public school, and this includes many family members and friends.

As it turns out, this is largely the reason for starting this blog, as well as the reason Sarah has her blog (www.werhumansbeing.com) and her podcast "Humans Being". We felt if we could share our journey and thought process on everything from unschooling specifically, and more specifically radical unschooling or whole life learning, it might make the decision and transition easier for those just getting their feet wet.

The best advice I can give those who are new to unschooling and are having difficulty explaining it or "justifying" it to friends and family is this. Don't ever explain it as though it's something that "works for us". The fact is, it really can work for everyone, but like anything else, it's just a life decision you make. That isn't to say that those that don't do it are somehow doing something wrong, but I never liked the idea that somehow this can only work for certain families. Also, stand tall in your conviction that it does work, and don't ever feel pressure to "show" how well your kids are learning by quizzing them on things they have learned. My wife doesn't quiz me on things I learn every day just from being out in the world, and I don't feel the need to do that to my kids either. I can see what they are learning just by paying attention to them. It's a remarkable thing.

4 comments:

  1. Well Said Chris! Here's hoping MANY people read here and are informed by your journey!

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  2. As a child of the 1950s deeply grateful for the fantastic opportunities for learning gifted to me by the "digital revolution", I find myself scratching my head in wonderment sometimes that, in 2010, so many people *still* believe school is the only place to get "a good education". That really isn't so any more.

    Especially since the internet became multimedia and interactive in about 2005 - and even more especially since mobile learning technology became the leading edge of education in the past year or two - it has never been easier in all of human history to get an education outside the school classroom.

    More than that, what's happening in today's typical school classroom is actually lagging badly behind how digital media users, both children and adults, learn in the world at large as they go about their daily lives - without so much as sparing a thought for such artificial and arbitrary contrivances as a "curriculum"!

    All that before even considering how being out of school allows a child to live in ways that are far more respectful of human nature and development than sitting at a desk in a room waiting to be taught.

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  3. I unschooled for 2 years and gave in to school a year and a half ago and regret it often but keep my kids in school because of the ease it brings for me.

    I have 3 girls and felt overwhelmed when my oldest daughter was in 3rd grade and her brain ripened for learning. I recognized my lack of preparedness and felt I wasn't serving her needs to learn.

    I miss the homeschool life terribly though. I value the qualities that the homeschool friends have vs regular school kids. I miss the family time and time outside and the feeling of being relaxed.

    I did a great job nurturing friendships for my oldest daughter and was aware that to duplicate that effort for my other two daughters would be unrealistic. This is still a truth for us. The relationships that homeschool life fosters are more intimate because of the time that the kids have to be together but to find that time for three kids is a challenge.

    My kids have social time at school and have neighbors that they play with.

    My oldest daughter is going to middle school next year and has cultivated a group of friends at school that I see her enjoying. The other day a group of to pre-teens came giggling down our street and they all yelled for my daughter as they came by and she was swept along with them down the street to our local coffee shop. The joy in her face that I assume was a sense of belonging was great to see. I know that if we still homeschooled, they would have simply passed by.

    This is one of the great conflicts for me.

    I dream of homeschooling again and sometimes thing a few years in and a few years out would be an ideal solution. As puberty approaches I am leaving the invitation open to homeschool again and my oldest has mentioned it as an option in the last month!! Time will tell.....

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  4. @Lolly Polly - I'm glad to hear you feel your daughter's have adjusted to school well. Couple of things I would ask in regards to your comment though. You indicated that you liked the closer relationships that homeschooling fostered, but then indicated to find that time for three kids was a challenge. Do you feel you have established closer relationships with your children with them in school all day? I would also have to point out that "social time at school" is limited to lunch time and for younger kids an additional 15 minute recess. The other time spent around other kids and adults is meant to be spent being quiet and listening to an instructor.

    As far as the story of the kids going down the street and the thought that if your children were homeschooled they would have simply passed by, I would say "maybe". But then again, our kids and most homeschooled families get far more socialization with other kids, adults, pets, you name it because they have more time in the day to do so. Maybe those particular girls wouldn't have known your kids and gone by, but that isn't to say there aren't other kids and other settings in which your kids would have enjoyed the same social moment. Our kids have actually taken to playing with two of our neighbors kids almost on a daily basis (neither of which homeschool their kids). I think the worry about how kids will do with socialization is more of the adult's issue than the kids. We are the ones that struggle with it, yet if left to figure it out independently, kids will engage others of different backgrounds quite easily.

    I appreciate your openness and willingness to share your story here.

    Warmly,
    Chris

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